Gravity is working against me (in the most literal sense of the lyrics).

Jesus puck bunny Christ. How many times does one have to fall in a week? I feel like a battered housewife with all the bruises I’ve acquired over the past week. Sure, they were mostly slips due to the crappy weather, but I still can’t figure out where I got this huge ass bruise on my hip.  Just as and FYI, slippy conditions are not good for the balance impaired.  It doesn’t help my self-esteem when my brothers laugh at me for injuring myself, either.

Cute little munchkin

So, when I got home this weekend (while gimping on my sore knee *sadface*), I was ecstatic to see that I had recieved my Pens Prize Pack. No autographed stick. However, that didn’t stop me from jumping up and down in excitement and falling to the floor (to which my dad laughed at).  I got a giant t-shirt (really though, who can fit in XXL?!), a mousepad with this season’s schedule on it, a deck of Pens cards (wicked sweet. Daddy wanted to steal them to play solitaire. BORING.), and…a Webkinz Penguin. I know. You had to be at least 18 years old to enter the contest, and they sent me a stuffed animal? Whatever. It’s a good thing I collect penguins and the little guy is so damn cute. Although, I still wish Kris Letang would’ve come to my door instead.

My weekend just got better/worse from there. Friday night involved drunken debauchery at the Serbian Club while I hung out with my sister’s best friend (and made sister buy my drinks).  It was an exciting night. One woman fell down the concrete steps outside and cracked her head open. And while everyone who was around her was freaking out, no one thought to check to see if she was conscious. This is where I step in and put my lack of nursing skills to work.  I mean, it isn’t very hard to check for a concussion. All I did was ask her if she knew her name, the date, and where she was…while looking into her eyes to see if they were jacked up. Of course, I told her to wait for the ambulance because I quit nursing school after 3 semesters and wasn’t an expert. (I found out later that they didn’t. Hope she’s okay, eh?)

So, to put a damper on my Friday night, the next day, my brother decided to tell my mother that I was incoherently drunk. I wasn’t even stumbling.  I’m a chatty girl to begin with, but once you get a few drinks in me, I get super chatty. And I was hungry. So what if I asked him to stop for food on the way home (which he didn’t).  He doesn’t have to exaggerate my drunkenness. What a brat.

Not quite paradise.

Saturday saw me spending too much money on bras (again). And Sunday was interesting.  Have you ever gone bowling? Yes? Okay. Have you ever gone bowling with fourteen 4 year olds? Yeah. It was both funny and tragic at the same time.  Luckily, I spent most of my time in the bar with Daddy watching the hockey game. Seriously. What Lemieux schedules a birthday party on the same day and time that the Guins play the Wings? I told him that next year, his daughter’s birthday party is to be in his brother’s box. He laughed and agreed. I dont’ think I was taken seriously. When am I ever?

Sometimes, along with gravity, I think my sarcasm gets the best of me.

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